Expect the Unexpected
expect the unexpected
Since 2019 I have been journeying through being a vendor at various events locally and in other states/cities. I have learned ALOT which I will detail at another time but this event you see pictured here was a DOOZY.
What I expected: I found the event online and figured this would be appropriate for my business/ministry. The theme was about women and mental health. This would be an amazing opportunity to spread faith considering the atmosphere. Of course, I would also be there as a business owner intending to make some good sales from my Faith-Based apparel. I registered, paid my vendor fee and prepared to bring FTC to this amazing event!
What happened: Well, when I arrived there were a few circumstances that were unexpected but I shook them off and made the best of it. One being we were outside. None of the vendors I spoke with were aware we would be outside with the heat and bugs. After lugging all my containers, tables and setting up my shirt was SOAKED in sweat, I got over it and looked at the bright side of things. We were going to get 2 hours out of a NINE hour event to give the women a shopping experience with our products and services and it would all be worth it....
2 hours turned into about 20mins of "retail therapy" for the women. Yes, that entire time we were there shopping was only allowed for about 20mins. As the event came to an end some of the vendors shared how they barely made any money, took time off from work and other things to spend an entire day here to not even make the $100 registration fee back.
This looked like a failed mission.... BIG TIME.
I will be honest, I was highly disappointed. I felt robbed of my time and my money just like the other vendors. But as I drove that long ride back home in silence I thought, Lord, why would you allow me to go through all of this for barely anything in return? I could have just donated to the event and stayed home with my family. Then the Holy Spirit revealed to me it was bigger than making sales.
During the time we were there different speakers educated us on various mental health issues. Suicide, grief, anxiety and trauma to name a few. Different women shared their own testimonies. Things they had gone through in the past and things they CURRENTLY are dealing with. We laughed, we cried and we supported each other. Most importantly for me, I gained a respect and compassion for people because you never know what someone is dealing with.
God wanted me to be there to see as a believer I have to be more present and aware of people. A simple smile or a few kind words can go a long way. Also, when you pay attention to people you will be inclined to PRAY for them. All was not lost during this event. Sometimes God just wants you to be IN THE ROOM so he can speak to you through other people. That is worth more than making money and I am grateful for that experience.
My Testimonies
THE UN-ORDAINED MARRIAGE
The biggest turning point in my life is when I went through a seven year relationship (one year was marriage) that God showed me in every way wasn't for me. The enemy tries to trick us into thinking someone is good for us simply because he filled a void that was missing in your previous relationship. For me, that void was being committed to. My previous two relationships were with men that would not commit to being my "boyfriend" so when I met my ex-husband and he had no problem with doing that I felt like I had struck gold.
Unfortunately, that could not compensate for all I would endure in the years to come. The first lie was him even being available. He was actually still married. I looked past this since they were obviously not together (in separate states). I was told he only had one child, later found out he had two. A lot of what he told me about his career also came back to be a lie. All of this was revealed within the first year.
I got mad, we broke up, but I went back.
Although, I was publicly known as his "girlfriend" I found out about numerous women he cheated on me with. Not just intuition but concrete proof.
I got mad, we broke up, but I went back.
In the midst of the lies and cheating was a more serious offense. Violence. Every time something was exposed I could count on my house being destroyed or being physically assaulted. In one incident, I was punched in the face while laying in the bed holding our daughter. I called the police. Georgia has a rule where if no one admits to being the aggressor they look for marks. He had a scratch under his eye from me fighting back. The police questioned us both separately. They circled back to me and asked me to step outside. Confused at first, I complied and then they asked me to place my hands behind my back. One of the worst moments of my life. I was going to jail.... for defending myself from a 6 feet tall, 200 something pound man. I begged for him to tell the truth about what happened as they put me in the back of the squad car.....he stood at the door and watched me head off to jail.
I got mad, we broke up, but I went back.
Can you believe the following year we got married? Crazy, I know. Even on the wedding day God tried to show me one last time he wasn't the one. There was ANOTHER argument about something very minor but I thought, my mama, the minister and a few other family members are already there waiting on us. Let's just do it. Maybe once we are married God will honor that and the attacks of the enemy will stop. Nope. They didn't.
The last straw
I always reference my breaking point in comparison to a kid being bullied in school who finally has had enough. On this day, I was juggling a 9-5 and a side business doing credit restoration. I can't remember exactly what the argument was about but I remember carrying my laptop and files to my car to be able to work in peace. As I walked outside he followed behind me arguing and knocked all of my paperwork out of my hands and on the ground. As I reached down to pick everything up, embarrassed and fed up, I got filled with so much rage.
I took the cord of my laptop charger, came back inside and started chopping him like crazy. Then I noticed the kids standing there looking and crying. At the time we had four children (combined). I just couldn't do it anymore. If I didn't do it for myself I had to do it for these small kids. I was beyond tired of him and the marriage. Once again I told him "I'm done" (which he had heard 1000 times already). This time I was dead serious.
the breakthrough
About three weeks later I found an apartment for me and my biological kids and moved out. I filed for divorce shortly after that. Nobody believed I was serious because I had moved out three times during that relationship but always came back. I knew the compulsive lying and anger issues should have been a deal breaker but I hoped and prayed it was a sickness that could be healed. I prayed for his deliverance many times. It only got worse. After that last incident I just lost all feelings of reconciliation and love. I actually felt like I hated him.
Before leaving him I had already started going to church more and getting closer to God. Once I left I was able to focus even more. Now these were some traumatic events that happened but I am wise enough to know I cannot place all the blame on him. God showed me I had to take accountability as well. Nobody should have to deal with domestic violence from a man but I had not dealt with my own anger issues from being bullied. The "bully" went from kids in the neighborhood to my own husband. I had to be delivered from the anger, resentment and retaliation of being mistreated.
Transparent moment: One time I had even thought of burning him in the face with a hot iron as he slept. This is just how angry I was about the things he did to me.
God needed to save me from myself. There is only so much a person can handle without the help of the Holy Spirit. That relationship was going to kill one of us. Although I do not wish what I went through on anyone, I thank God for the lessons. When God is showing you something you need to back away from you cannot walk into the fire thinking you are a fireman. You will end up getting burnt.
My breakthrough was finding Jesus. He was always there during my pain but now I know His voice. Now I know who to lean on when I need help. Now I know I can't do ANYTHING without Jesus. It just will not work.
My Testimonies
God Blocked It
At the tender age of 17 I found myself in one of the scariest situations I had ever experienced. It could have ended a whole lot worst.... BUT GOD.
During the time I was a senior in high school living with one of my best friend at the time's family due to my own family not having stable housing. She spoke with her mom and they offered for me to live with them and finish out school. To this day I am ever so grateful they did that for me.
My best friend was one of the few of us that had a car so she gave me a ride to the Dr. for an appointment. She dropped me off and said she would be back for me by the time my appointment was over. Well..... little did she know, my appointment was over quickly so I had a few extra minutes to go down the street and visit my new "friend".
He was a guy I had met at one of the Summer League basketball tournaments most of the city would go to at the YMCA in Savannah. He saw me there one day and asked for my number. I gave him my number without any hopes of anything serious just conversation. The few times we had talked he would always promise to buy me things and take me places. (weird being that we never spent time together and he barely knew me) That turned into him wanting to see me.
The day of my appointment the guy had already called and asked if I could come see him since he lived a block or 2 from the Dr.'s office. I figured it was a harmless visit and since I was close I could finally grant his wish for a visit and he would stop asking.
I hadn't told anyone about me going over there. I just went. As the naive young girl I was, I went into his house where he lead me to his bedroom to "talk". I instantly started to feel uncomfortable as he was looking at me like a piece of meat. He then asked for a kiss. I told him I don't kiss (lie). Then he asked me to do some unmentionable things. I IMMEDIATELY refused that as well. Next he grabbed me, threw me on the bed, pulled up my skirt and proceeded to pull down the tights I had on underneath. I pleaded with him to stop but he didn't listen. Then... all of a sudden he stopped pulling my clothes, looked at his hand and stood there as if he had just snapped back to reality.
I had been on my "cycle" (which is what was on his hand). It's like once he saw that he couldn't proceed and realized what he was attempting to do to me. While he stood there looking dumb-founded I fixed myself up, burst through the door and RAN! I didn't know if he was behind me or not but I ran like he was..... right into my friend who had been in her car waiting for me and fussing because I wasn't in place. Once she saw the tears she consoled me and we drove off.
This of course was an experience I will never forget. The same "cycle" that many women complain about having is the very thing that stopped me from being raped. This "cycle" could've prevented me from getting HIV, pregnant or God knows what else.
See even when we are young (and old) making careless decisions, God is there watching over us and strategically using things to protect us along the way of our mistakes. I am forever thankful for God saving me on that day because I could be telling a more traumatizing testimony right now.
My prayers go out to all the women and men that have almost been victimized and those who HAVE been that still deal with the consequential trauma today.
God is always at work in our lives whether we give him credit or not. We must always remember this and give him GLORY...... even during those painful "days of the month".
My Testimonies
Patience and obedience
After getting cursed out by a customer for the 1000th time I was DONE! I downloaded the Indeed app back on my phone and told my husband I'm taking the first flight OUT of this department and this company. I had several years experience dealing with different types of customers but these were by far THE nastiest and rudest I ever experienced.
My husband told me (by way of The Holy Spirit) that this was another test to show how God has elevated me from who I was in the past. I disagreed. I did not feel elevated because I was just as angry as any other time somebody spoke to me that way. I was so tired of being disrespected I just wanted to quit.
The next morning I felt better and decided I would hang in there and endure knowing God would be pleased that I can keep my composure no matter what the enemy throws at me.
The next week was revival at church. The pastor talked about God providing you with opportunities that you shouldn't be afraid to take if He gives it to you. Some of us also gave a seed of $60 with expectation that something great will manifest.
My car had just broke down and was in the shop. I still sowed my seed.... only to find out the next day my car repairs would be $360. I remained hopeful that God would provide a return for the seed I sowed so willingly DESPITE my car problems.
The NEXT week a new position became available at my job. I prayed on it and got confirmation from God that I should apply. The following week I was told I GOT THE JOB!
The turnaround time on the seed that was planted was ONE WEEK. God rewarded me with a new position for being patient and not rushing to quit when things got tough. He also rewarded me with a new job making more money for giving with an open heart and having faith in Him and His Word.
2 Corinthians 9:6 "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully."
My Testimonies
Giving God Control
How does a high school honors graduate & college Magna Cum Laude graduate almost end up in prison for 10yrs? How did somebody who used to be bullied and scared to speak up end up being arrested 3 times for violent offenses and sent to anger management twice?
Many people would be too embarrassed to even admit these things. I'm not ashamed of any of it because I know the calling God has on my life. My testimony is going to prevent someone else from going through this AND give hope to those who think your career is over after convictions or that you can never find a husband to treat you like a queen. The answer is you WILL
GOD has the final say!! HE turns a no into a YES!
I used to blame the people I was around, the man that mistreated me and even the police for being biased. It took me a long time to see you can walk away from ANYTHING that doesn't serve you in the way God designed it to. You can turn to HIM for all things instead of handling them on your own or how Satan wants you. Satan was determined to put a stop to me because he knew I was a special CHILD OF GOD! The enemy will use the good heart you have for people AND the temper you struggle with to DESTROY you..... IF you allow it.
God had other plans! He SAVED ME!
Seek him with ALL your heart and he can turn your past into a testimony and your future into a fairytale! BELIEVE IT!
They may talk about your past but cant do a THING about your future!!
My Testimonies
Blended Families-Introducing Kids to Your Future Spouse
What's a Blended Family?
In its simplest term, a blended family, also called a reconstructed, complex, or stepfamily, is combining family units where one or both parents have children from a previous relationship. The very name says it all: blending to form a new family.
Blending families isn't easy. Taking the proper steps with the kids during the relationship phase will definitely smooth the road to bonding later. In 2015 I divorced my first husband after years of abuse. To think that the following year I would decide to marry again seems crazy, right?
Some might ask these critical questions:
● After your divorce, shouldn't you have given yourself more time to heal?
● Shouldn't your children have had more time to adjust to losing one spouse?
● How did you know this wasn't another mistake?
● When did you think the time was right to introduce the children to your future spouse?
Healing from Divorce
After the separation, I had several conversations with my son. I wanted to understand how the divorce made him feel. My son said it was different but a relief. He didn't have to hear the arguing and fighting. In other words, the divorce brought him a sense of peace. My daughter was so young until she didn't understand the "whys," but she seemed to adjust to our new life.
As for me, I knew the first step in getting my life back on track was my freedom papers…aka divorce papers. Since spending seven years in the nastiest relationship ever, my experience had taught me exactly what I didn't want in the next man
After my divorce, I was ready for love again. I spent a lot of time praying, scripture studying, and meditating, I became confident that this time around would be different.
I was even open to listening to a friend who told me about writing a letter to God. I'd never heard of this but figured, "Hey, why not." I wrote the letter, laying out to God all the specific characteristics this new man-package needed. They should include traits like:
· Loyalty
· Kindheartedness
· respect for women
· God-fearing and serving, etc.
After I'd finished, I folded the letter, opened the bible to the book of Psalms, and placed it between the pages—without searching for any particular verse(s).
"God knows me better than I know myself. He would send the man for me, and that man would actually be "the one."
No More Marriage Mistakes
After the physical and verbal abuse I'd endured at the hands of my ex-husband, the letter I wrote to God were not just words to me. He (ex-husband) once sent me to jail for something I didn't do. So, every word I wrote came from a place deep in my heart. I wasn't making a superficial request but wholeheartedly. There would be no mistake this time.
I believed that the core of what every woman wants from her relationship with her man is simple. She wants him to love, respect, and treat her with the same love and respect she gives him. To my surprise, God answered my letter in three months.
Meeting Mr. Right
Every single thing on my list describes my current husband. He loves me, my kids, and my family just as his own and shows it through his actions. He is the first man I've had a relationship with that thinks nothing of doing "house chores" right beside me. This adds to making the marriage a true partnership. I never feel overworked or unsupported. Most importantly, I see his love for God and dedication to living holy. He is the father I wanted my kids to have and the husband I was prepared to spend forever with.
Introducing and Blending
There was no strategic plan on how to introduce the kids to each other or to their new stepparents. We just rolled with the punches. Although I don't believe in children making decisions on their parents' love life, there has to be a carefully thought-out transition for their wellbeing.
We know so much of our stability, and even how we feel about ourselves was based on what we experienced as kids, so this transition was very important.
At the time of our engagement, we had four children to consider—on one side, a ten-year-old boy and a four-year-old, girl and on the other side, a seven-year-old girl and a fourteen-year-old teenage male.
Usually, a blended family involves at least four parents. In our situation, there were four others, each having their own style of child-rearing. We introduced the kids at different times and in different ways. Each child's circumstances with their other parent varied significantly. Thus, like it or not, we have four parents aside from ourselves to deal with. Regardless, we knew we were going to get married, and the kids would eventually adjust.
How Did We Blend Our Family?
Child #1 – The eldest
Our oldest met me the same day I met his father. During that time, he was an advocate of his dad finding love. However, the two had been apart for years and were making up for lost time. I believe our new relationship may have interrupted the re-bonding process just a little.
Child #2
The ten-year-old son had never known his biological father and me to be together. Still, since he was two-year-old, he'd live through the dysfunction of my ex-husband and me. The ex-relationship was very volatile, to say the least. Based on what he'd been through, I knew my ten-year-old would be the most skeptical of all the children. Once married and my husband moved in, he (my ten-year-old) had to adjust to my husband being in the home, learn his ways and expectations.
Child #3
The first time I met our seven-year-old daughter, my husband was the guest minister at his father's church. As her dad's youngest, there was a bit of an adjustment as she wasn't used to "sharing" her dad with anyone besides her brother. When a few years passed, she began to realize I was a part of her family and there to stay.
Child # 4
During our dating, the youngest of the bunch probably spent the most time with my husband. She was only four and always with me. At times, she seemed to struggle to understand who this man was always hanging around her mama.
My daughter and I joke about a time when my husband (then fiancé) got out of the car and kissed me goodbye. She responded to the kiss by saying: "Ewwww, mama. You don't kiss nobody you don't know". At that age, she'd only known of me kissing her father, so this was a huge adjustment for her.
As with any parent, there is always room for improvement when raising kids. Still, we'd like to think we moved at a decent pace and made introductions at the right times and helped them accept all the changes Family Blending entails. I would say what's most important is the introduction of your children to the right person.
Taking the time to know you've chosen the right life partner will pay off in the long run,
and that's something all parents must be sure about.
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